Intimacy in Marriage


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We are all made for intimacy. Intimacy generates good health. In marriage or in every day life, our whole being craves for intimacy. We not only crave it but we need it. This need for intimacy begins immediately after we are born. 

When our children were born we were told to make sure they receive “skin to skin” contact. This means that when a baby is born, his/her first need is for a close bond with the mother or father. Therefore, the doctor usually takes the new born baby and places him/her on the mother chest. This allows a special bond to be created. This need for intimacy and love grows with time. This closeness gives the child a sense of belonging and safety. 

It’s the same in marriage. We crave intimacy more than anything else. And when we do not get it, the marriage is in great danger. Intimacy is all about knowing and being known. It begins with a conscious decision to allow the other person unreserved access to the deepest corners of our being: body, soul and spirit. 

In marriage intimacy is physical, emotional and spiritual. They are all connected, one affects the other, one develops the other and all three grow the relationship and it fills it with immense joy. 

Physical intimacy is more than just sex. Marriage creates a safe place for physical intimacy where the couple becomes confident and at ease with each other’s bodies. There is no need to hide, pretend or be ashamed. Physical intimacy creates a healthy self-image. It begins with me and it spills into my spouse’s life and soul. The blessing of physical intimacy is hard to explain, but it is pure joy and peace. Within the boundaries of marriage, physical intimacy brings not only great pleasure but it also enables us to accept our own body. The deeper intimacy is, the healthier the marriage becomes. In time our bodies change, however intimacy has no regard for wrinkles. Intimacy goes deeper than the skin. Physical intimacy provides and motivates to good physical health. 

Emotional intimacy is about giving your spouse access to the deepest feelings. It’s sharing the key to your heart. This intimacy is necessary for team work and for the emotional connection that makes sex and physical intimacy such great blessings. If sex is void of physical and emotional intimacy, the act itself becomes a boring and cheap biology lesson. It looses its power and significance. To be emotionally intimate with someone is a big thing. You give that person complete access to your feelings. Unfortunately, many couples fail to be emotionally intimate. It is a great loss. Such a loss has a devastating effect on the health of the marriage relationship. To be intimate takes time, commitment and practice. 

Spiritual intimacy depends on and affects the other types on intimacies. It also depends in the personal intimacy with God.

Gary Chapman said once: “Just as emotional intimacy comes from sharing our feelings, spiritual intimacy comes from sharing our walk with God. We don’t have to be spiritual giants to have spiritual intimacy as a couple, but we must be willing to share with each other where we are, spiritually.” 

What does this mean practically? If we know we are made for intimacy and our marriage needs intimacy then we will be ready and willing to make the time for growing in intimacy. 

Maybe this means making the time to sit down, to hold each other, to talk about our feelings and our experiences with God. Praying together with honesty builds a healthy physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy. 

This intimacy turns your spouse into your best friend. There is not price tag for that.

Tags: intimacy, marriage, spirituality, couples

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